The 36 Questions That Deepen Parent-Child Bonds

Modern Love (Family Edition): The 36 Questions That Deepen Parent-Child Bonds

Inspired by the New York Times’ famous article, "The 36 Questions That Lead to Love," this family-focused adaptation reimagines the questions to foster deeper connections between parents and their children. The original, based on the work of psychologist Arthur Aron, explored how mutual vulnerability could accelerate intimacy between two people. This time, we turn the focus to families, giving kids and parents a chance to learn more about each other, strengthen their bond, and create a foundation for lifelong understanding.

The idea remains the same: vulnerability and openness build closeness. With each set of questions becoming progressively more introspective, this exercise encourages families to share, reflect, and grow together. You might even try the final step from the original study—spending four uninterrupted minutes looking into each other’s eyes (if you can stop giggling).

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Set I: Getting to Know Each Other

These questions break the ice and open the door to fun and easy conversation.

1. If you could spend an entire day together doing anything, what would it be?
2. What’s a memory of us that always makes you smile?
3. If you could be famous for something, what would it be?
4. What’s your idea of the perfect day?
5. If you could visit anywhere in the world with me, where would it be and why?
6. What’s a talent or skill you wish you had?
7. What’s something you’ve always wanted to ask me but never have?
8. If you could have dinner with any person in history, who would it be?
9. What’s something you’re really proud of that you’ve done recently?
10. If you had a magical power to fix one thing in the world, what would it be?

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Set II: Sharing and Reflecting

These questions encourage families to open up about their experiences and feelings.

11. What’s a story about your childhood that you think I don’t know?
12. What’s something you love about the way our family does things?
13. If you could change one thing about the way we communicate, what would it be?
14. What’s one of your happiest memories from the past year?
15. What’s one thing you’ve learned from me?
16. What’s something you wish I understood about you?
17. What’s a mistake you’ve made that taught you something important?
18. What’s a memory you have of me that made you feel really loved?
19. If you could learn one new thing together with me, what would it be?
20. What’s something you wish we did more often as a family?

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Set III: Deepening the Bond

This final set fosters vulnerability and creates space for heartfelt conversations.

21. What’s something you’re afraid to talk about but wish you could share?
22. What’s a time I’ve helped you that you really appreciated?
23. What’s something you’ve seen in me that inspires you?
24. What’s one way I could be a better parent/child to you?
25. What’s a dream you have for our family?
26. What’s one thing you’ve learned about life that you think I should know?
27. What’s a time you felt I didn’t understand you? How can I do better?
28. What’s something you’ve always admired about me?
29. If we could write a family rule that we all had to follow, what would it be?
30. What’s a question you wish I’d ask you more often?

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The Final Step: Four Minutes of Eye Contact

This part might feel silly, but it’s incredibly powerful. Spend four uninterrupted minutes making eye contact. Without words, you’ll notice things you hadn’t before: love, care, maybe even shared quirks that bring you closer.

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Why This Works

The original 36 questions were built on the idea that sharing deeply personal stories and thoughts fosters closeness. With this family-focused twist, parents and kids can explore each other’s worlds, celebrating their similarities and appreciating their differences.

These questions aren’t just for one sitting—they’re a toolkit to pull from whenever you want to reconnect. Whether it’s during a quiet evening at home, a family road trip, or just a walk around the block, these moments of sharing can transform your relationship.

So grab a cup of tea (or juice boxes) and dive in. You might be surprised at what you discover about each other.